"Love, it is not to be understood in human terms which humans are enslaved by. That is the corrupt version of the real one. If you observe closely you will see we merely spreading the tools which can be used by you to free yourself or chain yourself, your choice.
The Divine Law has a purpose for you and it is not on this realm. Prove you are worthy again to be released. The distraction is part of that.
It is about knowing who is and who is not."
Sacred Datacron of the First Ones
'Have you gone completely nuts?' she was staring at me in bewilderment.
'Believe me, that's the only way' I replied calmy. 'At least, the only way I could find out so far'.
'Ok, let me clarify this. You somehow started to believe that you do not belong to this universe. And again somehow you have managed to acquire certain information that there is a way to return back to where you truly belong to. But in order to be able to do it you have to pass through a Ring of Chaos which supposedly enclose our known universe. Moreover, you need the Sith Emperor to help you to do that since he is the only being in this universe who have gone there and was able to come back alive.'
'More or less, yes. I know it sounds a bit crazy but I believe it could be done, with the guidance of the Force, of course".
'A bit crazy ?? Arck, this is insane!! Let alone getting help from Emperor you cannot even get near to the him!
Alive, I mean..'
'Raven did it. And so Malak.'
'Yes, they did. And they fell. Is that really what you want? Is this all about being a hero? A savior of the worlds? And what is that nonsense about not belonging here or there? We are Jedi, we belong where we are needed. And right now the Republic needs you. The Order needs you. Have you forgotten to whom you serve? Do you deny your ideals? Our ideals?
'I remember very well what in truth I do serve. I serve the One. As do everyone/everything else. Su, you know me. I shall not fall. I cannot. Please, try to understand me. If I cannot help myself, how can I help the Republic? If I cannot know myself how can I go after some ideals that imposed in me since I was a little kid? No, there is no way that I could go on with the current way of things. I cannot hide behind this illusion of light and dark. Not anymore. I passed that line long ago. All I see now is shades of gray. Corruption is everywhere. Lies are everywhere. There must be some way out of here. There's too much confusion, so much that I can't get no relief."
'Well, if you think there is corruption and confusion then why don't you start doing something about it? Do you really think that running away like this will help things get better?
This is all about Naen, isn't it? Arck, I miss him too. We all miss him. But you have to accept that he is gone. You have to get over it. Please, return back to Coruscant. Let us help you.'
'No, Su. This is not about Naen. And stop pitying on me. You know how I hate it.
Anyway, it is obvious that this conversation goes nowhere. I will do what I feel I have to. And you will do what you have to do. Thanks for everything you have done for me. May the Force be with you..'
'But I cannot let you go alone on a suicide mission like this. What will be your next step? I will come with you.'
'No, you will not. You will return back to the temple and tell Master Sidniestar that I will come and see him when I feel I am ready. So long, until then.'
So that's how I left her there in that white-yellow treatment room in Nar Shadaa. At that time she had no doubt that it was the last time she had seen me.
But the Force had other plans for me.
Plans that neither her nor anyone else in the Order can ever imagine.
to be continued-